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How to Practice Self Love Without Being Selfish

Do you feel like you’re surrounded by people in romantic relationships but you just can’t seem to find “the One”? I have a challenge for you in this season of life. Spend some time looking inward at the relationship you have with yourself. Self love is a great way to take care of your mental and emotional health.

Think about how to practice self love throughout the day by doing things like reciting affirmations in the mirror or jotting down ten things you love about yourself in your self love journal. Here’s the fun part: when you start to genuinely love yourself, the vibration you emit shifts and the person who matches your vibration will find you.

Everything related to mental and emotional health stems from self love. When you truly embrace the journey, things start to make a little more sense and nothing seems impossible. My all-time favorite self love quote is this one from Rupi Kaur: “How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you.”

Self love can seem a little selfish when it’s all about pampering yourself. But self love isn’t simply taking a relaxing bath, enjoying a cup of tea while reading your favorite book, relaxing with a face mask, or splurging on a new pair of shoes...although there’s nothing wrong with treating yourself every now and then!

True self love isn’t selfish at all. It’s what happens when you stop being your own worst critic and embrace who you were meant to be. Be patient with the process, and you’ll get there someday. Here are some self love techniques that will help you learn to love yourself so you can give more love to those around you.

1. Get out of the comparison trap

As you’re cultivating self love, it’s important to make sure you’re aware of how you spend your time. If you notice your thoughts tend to gravitate towards comparing yourself to others, it might be time for a social media fast. After all, social media is notorious for making you feel like you’re lacking something. And trust me, the people you’re comparing yourself to probably feel the exact same way!

In order to get yourself out of the comparison trap, begin a gratitude practice. This may include keeping a self love journal that lists the things you most appreciate about yourself, writing thank you notes to others as a reminder that you have people who care about you, or saying a prayer of gratitude to your higher power. 

2. Be ready to serve others

I know this might sound counterintuitive since we are talking about loving yourself, but reaching out to others is a very important part of the process. Once you are comfortable with who you are, you will notice that you want to help others feel the same way.

Use your words for the greater good to help others while helping yourself. We should exist to uplift those around us rather than tear them down. Take the time to tell people in your life how great they are, how much you appreciate them, and how what they do matters. People love to be recognized and feel understood–it brings us together and makes us feel seen. 

3. Don’t be too hard on yourself

We often set our standards much higher for ourselves than we do for others. The negative self-talk that creeps in, especially late at night, is not helping you at all. Developing a meditation practice could be enormously helpful for you as you try to release your need for perfection.

You might be spending lots of time thinking about not being able to achieve something, being too old, not being pretty enough, or not having a significant impact on the world. Try and let go of those thoughts and be gentle with yourself. Forgive yourself as easily as you forgive those around you. Instead of beating yourself up, forgive, forget, and be open to changing any traits that don’t serve you or others. 

4. Express your feelings

Become unafraid to express who you are and how you feel. I know what you’re thinking… nobody wants to be the “annoying” friend, wife, or brother who dumps all their problems on everyone. But you have family and close friends who support you and are happy to be there for you.

The reality is that keeping your emotions bottled up inside doesn’t help anyone because suppressed emotions always come out eventually...and it’s usually a big explosion. These blow-ups can be easily avoided if you partner with your emotions and express them daily.

There are so many outlets that can help you let your emotions out such as journaling, spending time outdoors, talking to a therapist or friend, doodling, and listening to healing music. Being honest about your emotions is the most freeing thing you can do for yourself, and it will help you live an authentic life.

There are so many more self love techniques and products that I could recommend, but these are a few of my favorites because of the immense impact they can have on your mental and emotional health. Just remember, even if you don’t have a partner right now, the relationship you have with yourself is by far the most incredible one. Work on yourself, and you won’t have to look for that person anymore–they will find you.

Don’t forget to follow me on Instagram for more self love inspiration! We’re on this journey together, and I’m so proud of who you are.



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